


at the brim

by wintae



Series: most teens can't do emotions [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama, Eating Disorders, M/M, Romance, mentions of teen pregnancy (not anyone in nct tho), significantly angstier than the parent fic, tiny alcohol mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2016-10-06
Packaged: 2018-08-19 20:27:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8223814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintae/pseuds/wintae
Summary: Ren Jun is at a juxtaposition- he's in love with Mark, Jisung is in love with him, and he has a hard time loving himself when his existence causes so much pain to his mother.side story to came out sideways as promised





	

**Author's Note:**

> WHY IS THIS SO ANGSTY I DIDN'T MEAN FOR IT TO HAPPEN WTF?????????
> 
> also this is NOT NOT NOT one of those eating disorder fics that goes into the details and emotions behind it from the perspective of the afflicted person. it is only from perception from the people around them. also none of the nct dream boys have the eating disorder, just hansol as a cameo and a relative 
> 
> hope you enjoy!!! i said it would be coming so ~~~

Ren Jun is a romantic person. Mark is more awkward, more cautious. Ren Jun gives his whole heart, and Mark can barely stand it. He didn’t expect this; he didn’t expect to be so glad to be the recipient of this neverending affection. He hasn’t stopped thinking about Ren Jun since he confessed to Mark. Huang Ren Jun came from left field and smacked him in the face. 

Mark has never liked being hit so much. He’s never felt loved like this; he’s never felt love like this. 

And it’s going to break Jisung’s heart. 

~~

The Lock-in, close to 1:00 AM:

The dance is meant to be winding down, but most of the students are still on the floor. Jeno and Jaemin aren’t there, but Chenle and Donghyuck are there, dancing with each other like they’d never get the chance to do it again. Mark has been dancing for at least an hour straight, so he stumbles off the floor to get some water. 

On his way to the water fountain, he bumps into Ren Jun and they stare at each other with wide eyes for a second. Mark smiles and reaches out his hand with a spike of confidence. Maybe it’s all the dancing, maybe it’s the thought that this could work out, that it could be beautiful. Maybe it’s because he didn’t know what Jisung had told Ren Jun earlier. 

Ren Jun takes his hand and they run to the water fountain, and then make their way to an empty classroom. They talk, Ren Jun’s head in Mark’s lap, one hand in Ren Jun’s hair and one clasping his hand. They talk until the conversation goes in circles. Then, Ren Jun sits up and kisses him, sweet and slow, and it goes. 

“What the hell?” The two break apart, and Ren Jun’s eyes widen while Mark’s brows furrow. “Ren Jun, what on earth?” Jisung’s visibly angry, and his tone is louder than it’s ever been, even for Mark. “Is this your response to my confession? Because, that’s bitchy.” Ren Jun looks like he would crumble with the slightest breeze. Mark has never heard Jisung swear, and that breaks his heart. Jisung lets out an angry yell and runs down the hall. 

“Ren Jun, is it true?” Mark says softly, looking at Ren Jun, running his thumb over his palm. Ren Jun has bent into himself and covered his face with his free hand. “Did Jisung confess to you?” Ren Jun nods and chokes out a sob. 

“And I didn’t tell you.” His voice is smaller than it usually is, if that’s even possible. “You must be angry.”

“Yeah, I am.” Mark’s voice was even, though. “I’m angry, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop loving you.”

~~

A week and a half until Christmas:

It’s Christmas break, and Mark is dreading this party. The last he saw of Jisung was him ignoring Mark for all of finals week.

Ren Jun would lean into Mark when Jisung would send icy glances and ignore them in the hall. He opted out of their lunchtime meetings for quality time with his Encyclopædia Britannica (round 4). It wasn’t that often that they saw each other, since finals week was legitimate hell as always. Mark was pleased it was over. He had time to hang out with his friends, and they were doing a Secret Santa because Jaemin is actually a cliche disguised as a person. 

Mark had gotten Jaemin, and he had some ideas for his present. He just needed to put them into action. 

Taeyong will be at this party too, so things can’t get too bad. Mark told Taeyong about what was happening a few days after the Lock-in; he’s definitely an understanding guy. Jisung is also smart enough to not start a fight in front of the smaller kids at the party, who they will most likely be tasked with entertaining for the night. 

The party is at Mark’s house. Their parent’s friends’ all have this schedule laid out: Mark’s family does Christmas, Taeyong’s does New Years, Jaemin’s does Valentine’s Day, Jisung’s does an Easter party, Jeno’s does a summer pool party, and Johnny’s does Halloween. Besides the occasional large birthday party, they each have their own holiday to host. They’ve gotten some great memories from these, like last year when Mark’s father gave him a spiked hot chocolate without telling him before he drank it. He had freaked out for a solid hour before realizing that one sip of alcohol diluted by another drink will not kill him/get him drunk. Donghyuck (his family is part of their clan of families, they just have a small house) was screeching in laughter at him while a motherly Ten stroked his hair to calm him down. 

After one last thorough sweep of the house as requested by his mom, Mark sits in a chair next to the bowl of Andes chocolates. He pops one in his mouth, melting the chocolate with his mouth. Mindlessly, he goes over French conjugations in his head just to keep himself distracted. He took French for a few years when he lived in Canada. Sometimes he’ll look through his old textbooks and listen to Elle Me Dit on repeat just for kicks. 

Soon enough, the guests start arriving. Mark is placed on door duty, opening the door and taking coats. His mom waits by the door to the foyer so she can repeat her eloquent greeting multiple times. For a while, it’s a lot of relatives and coworkers of his father and mother. Jeno’s family comes about 10 minutes after the guests start to pile in. 

“Hey, Jeno,” Mark says with a grin. Jeno smiles back at him. “You’re the first one near my age!” Jeno’s dad chuckles and hands a tin of cookies to Mark. After thanking him with a bow, Mark takes his coat and heads to the dining room. Jeno follows him in. 

“How many little kids are coming?” Jeno asks, already grabbing a cookie from the tin. 

“Enough to keep Jisung off my throat, hopefully,” Mark sighs. Jeno gives him a sympathetic smile and breaks his cookie in half. He offers the half to Mark, who shakes his head. 

“I’m actually waiting to have dinner before I get sweets, like a normal person.” Jeno frowns and gives Mark a little kick. 

“Mark? Where are you?” Mark’s mother calls, and Mark scurries back to door duty with a quick wave to Jeno.

He nearly runs over Johnny, but he just bounces off of his ridiculously strong chest. Ten bursts out into high-pitched laughter from behind them. Mark smiles sheepishly at Johnny, who just smirks at him. 

“It’s good to see you, Goober,” Johnny greets in English. Mark glares the best he can before breaking into a grin and hugging him. He then greets Ten and refuses to take their coats, because “they’re real adults now.”

“Shouldn’t that mean we really should get our coats taken?” Johnny retorts, but Mark is already greeting the next family. Ten just giggles and grabs Johnny’s arm, pulling him towards the dining room and babbling something about cookies. 

Donghyuck, his uncle, and Chenle all come together. Mark greets Donghyuck’s uncle warmly. Mark always admired Donghyuck’s uncle; he had to raise his sister’s son when Donghyuck’s mom died of sickness. He was only in college at the time, but with assistance from welfare agencies and his parents, Donghyuck was able to grow up in a safe environment. He had sacrificed so much to help raise Donghyuck since he was 3 years old. Mark thinks that’s true heroism. 

“Chenle, you look so nice!” Mark exclaims. He’s wearing a tiny bit of makeup that makes him look more mature. His button-up is ironed clean and his shoes look new. Chenle beams at Mark. 

“Thank you!” He gestures to Donghyuck. “I helped him put on the bowtie. Doesn’t he look dashing?” Mark nods and smirks at Donghyuck, who shifts from foot to foot and tugs at his collar. 

Chenle giggles and Donghyuck turns to him, all discomfort and negativity leaving his face. Donghyuck’s uncle looks at them fondly as well. 

“I wish I had someone to love like that,” he mutters. 

“Doyoung!” Ten shouts happily, coming to grab Donghyuck’s uncle’s hand. “You’re here! Come on, Jeno’s dad made cookies.” He drags Doyoung (who Mark realizes he never knew his name until now) over to the dining room. Chenle lights up at the prospect of cookies, so they follow them into the dining room. 

Jisung’s family comes in next. Mark sucks in a breath and holds it as he opens the door for them. Jisung’s parents and sibling all smiles and greet Mark warmly. Jisung doesn’t look at him; he shuffles forward like he’s a shadow of a snail. Mark’s mother greets them, Mark takes their coats, and Jisung disappears into the living room, where no one else is. Mark swears he saw one of Jisung’s Encyclopædia Britannica volumes in a bag he carried into the room with him.

A few other relevant people come, such as Taeyong’s family, Yuta, Jaehyun’s family, Hansol’s family (Hansol has finally put on weight and everyone is so happy about it), and Taeil’s family. 

The party goes on as usual until Jaemin’s family comes in with a boom, which isn’t actually unusual either. Jaemin’s parents are a lot like Jaemin himself- quirky, hyper, enigmatic. They show up late to every party (the exception being their own… sometimes) and always come in very loud and rambunctious. This year, Jaemin, his older sister, Joohyun, and Joohyun’s fiancee, Seulgi, wore elf outfits while their parents wore onesies with patterns of reindeer’s having… nevermind. Either way, they brought the boombox playing Christmas carols and then the party went into swing. 

Jaemin ran over to Jeno and threw a large amount of mistletoe at him before greeting him with a long kiss. A large amount of groans rang through the room. Jihoon, one of the many children of the never-ending supply of coworkers, makes gagging noises. 

“Get a room,” Ten screeches from where he is hanging onto Johnny’s shoulder. 

Jaemin shoots him a glare when he breaks away, stalks towards him, and whispers something to the two of them. Johnny snickers and Ten blushes, hides his face in his palms, and muffles a scream. 

“What did you say to them?” Mark asks when Jaemin comes back over. He looks at him with a serious look. 

“I know what you did on the bean bags,” Jaemin says gravely. Chenle, Donghyuck, Jeno, and Mark all begin to cackle. 

Another person begins to laugh in a familiar quiet way. They turn to see Jisung standing a few feet away. Chenle skips to him and drags him into the circle. Jisung protests for a bit, but he eventually lets himself be handled. The conversation turns easy after that. Jisung doesn’t talk a lot, but that’s normal. He doesn’t look at Mark a lot, but he isn’t actively glaring, so Mark is satisfied that he’s safe.

“Didn’t you invite Ren Jun, Mark?” Donghyuck says with delightful tact a half hour later. Mark swallows his virgin (he required that he watch his dad make it this time) hot chocolate and nods. 

“Yes, he said he had some family stuff to do,” Mark replies. When Ren Jun had said that, Mark had realized he didn’t know a lot about Ren Jun’s family, but he had already started to say goodbye before Mark could ask. Mark notices how Jisung’s face darkens, and also how Chenle’s face constricts in worry. 

“What’s up?” Donghyuck says, squeezing Chenle’s hand. Chenle shakes his head and excuses himself, pulling out his phone and pressing a few things. Before he disappears out of earshot, they hear him begin to speak in Chinese. 

The conversation falters for a bit before Jaemin picks it back up easily. Donghyuck is still looking at where Chenle left, and Jisung is biting his lip so hard that it’s turned white around his teeth. Nevertheless, the conversation goes. 

Chenle comes back, looking a little more reassured, but still uneasy. Donghyuck gives him a questioning look, but Chenle goes on his tippie-toes to kiss him on the temple. The two link hands and turn back to the conversation. 

At one point, Mark’s mom comes to ask them to watch the younger kids. Chenle obliges happily and dashes towards the kids. Donghyuck just follows after him. Jeno and Jaemin loop their arms together and walk after them with Mark and Jisung on either side. 

Joohyun and Seulgi were also there with the younger kids. There were about 13 of them, 7 boys and 6 girls. Two of them were speaking Chinese, so Chenle went to hang out with them. They stare at Chenle with wide eyes when he begins speaking to them before jumping on him and chattering in rapidfire Mandarin. Donghyuck watches fondly from afar before cooing over a small girl named Soonyoung. She tells him all about how for Christmas she wants blue hair and how much she loves dancing. Jeno traps the cat so some of the kids can pet him. Jaemin plays royal castle with some of the girls and Jihoon, the boy who gagged at their kiss earlier. Mark speaks English to a four-year-old girl named Vera and a eight-year-old boy named Josh. Jisung seems to not know what to do with himself until a three-year-old kid in a dinosaur t-shirt starts dancing to the carols. Jisung joins him and helps him dance. Soonyoung comes over to join, so Donghyuck comes with, and soon enough, most everyone is gathered into the living room to dance. 

After the guests start leaving, Taeyong’s and Jisung’s parents decide to stay a little longer to catch up. This gives Taeyong and Yuta time to cuddle and Jisung and Mark time to simmer in their tension. Mark knows he cannot ask Taeyong to stay in the room with him the whole time, but he does his best to buy him time. Soon enough, they’re left alone, and things fall into a desolate quiet. 

“Do you talk to Ren Jun often?” Jisung asks quietly. Mark chooses his words carefully. 

“We text a few times a day, and we call sometimes. Nothing much, though,” Mark replies. 

“He’s doing well?”

“Yeah, he’s fine. Worried about some of his finals, but he’s doing well.” 

“That’s good.” There’s a few awkward beats. “Look, Mark, I don’t know a lot of the details about you and him. He’s kind of… aloof, I guess? He doesn’t share a lot about himself.” Mark nods at that. They’ve been talking frequently for a while, but he still doesn’t know anything about his family or his past. All he knows is that he moved here from China 4 years ago. 

“So you want to know like… how we got together?” 

“I suppose. Are you guys together?”

“I don’t really know, honestly. He told me a week or so before the Lock-in that he liked me. I told him that I had never thought about it, but I’d give it a shot. Once I had thought about him in that light, I kinda fell really fast.” Mark runs a hand through his hair. He had never been very vulnerable with Jisung even before this happened. “We haven’t really confronted that specific question, and he seems he have some stuff going on with himself. All I know is that he likes me and that I like him.” 

Jisung nods. “I didn’t know that he had told you that before. I thought that this had happened just after I confessed.” Jisung blinks hard and tips his head up. “I can’t say I forgive you guys. But still… I don’t want this to ruin our friendship. I’ll work on it. After all, I’m still so young. I have a lot of growing to do.” Mark grins and runs to Jisung to give him a backhug. Jisung grunts, but doesn’t squirm to get out of it. Mark considers it a great success, considering that he would’ve wormed his way out of Mark’s embrace before this even happened. 

~~

One week before Christmas:

“Ren Jun!” Jaemin screeches, hugging him way too tight when Ren Jun opens the door. He laughs and returns the embrace. “I was going to _die_ if I didn’t see you soon!” Ren Jun grimaces and wriggles his way out of Jaemin’s arms before he suffocates. 

“More like you needed a replacement sleepover buddy,” Ren Jun replies, shaking his head. Jaemin pouts as he slips off your shoes. 

“I do like sleepovers, but I really enjoy our friendship,” Jaemin says. “Don’t sell yourself short. It’s unbecoming.” Ren Jun just smiles at him, albeit sadly, and leads him into the living room. 

Over their ramyun, Jaemin brings up what Ren Jun said earlier. 

“Do you really think that way, Ren Jun?” Ren Jun looks at his bowl and mindlessly fiddles with his chopsticks. “While I may be in sleepover withdrawal, that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have had a thousand sleepovers with you before.” Ren Jun nods. 

Ever since Jeno and Jaemin started dating, their parents came to the joint decision to ban them from sleepovers with each other unless they involve more than 6 other people. Jaemin called Ren Jun to loudly whine about his “sleepover withdrawal” until Ren Jun offered for them to have one. Jaemin’s voice had picked up so quickly that Ren Jun got spooked. 

Ren Jun’s mother walked in. Ren Jun’s demeanor changed completely. His eyes widen and glaze over at the same time, and his back straightens when he shoulders hunch. 

“Ren Jun, you didn’t tell me we would have friends over,” she says in Chinese. 

“Sorry, mom,” he replies, seeming detached. 

Then, Jaemin takes in his mom. 

She’s so young, and so thin. Dangerously thin. Jaemin has seen that before. His cousin Hansol was hospitalized when he was a sophomore in high school and Jaemin was just entering middle school. He hadn’t been eating consistently for months and he seemed like a ghost. His eyes lost their shine. He had been over at Jaemin’s house for dinner when he began coughing up blood and vomit over the toilet. Jaemin trembled and held Hansol’s hand while his mom called 119. Ren Jun’s mom looks even worse than Hansol had. 

She glares at the ramyun they’re eating, like it might give her calories just by being in the same room with her. She walks to the counter and uses it to steady herself. She begins busying herself to find a glass.

“Hello,” his mom says to Jaemin in ever-so-slightly accented Korean. “You must be one of Ren Jun’s classmates.” She takes the glass she found and begins filling it with tap water from the sink. 

“I’m Na Jaemin. We’re in the same friend group,” Jaemin says. She smiles at him warmly, but her face still looks sunken and desolate. Jaemin returns the smile the best he can. 

“Will you be staying overnight?” 

Jaemin nods. “If that’s alright.” 

“It’s all good.” She says something to Ren Jun in Chinese and he nods. He sucks the side of his cheek into his teeth and chews on it. She opens a cabinet, takes out a bottle of pills, and then walks out of the kitchen.

Ren Jun lets out a breath and returns his attention to the bowl of ramyun. 

“Ren Jun,” Jaemin starts softly. He doesn’t react. “How old is your mom?” 

“She’s 33,” he replies shakily. That means that she would’ve been 17 when she had Ren Jun.

“I just want to say, my cousin Hansol had the same food issue. I’m here if you need to talk. I know how hard it is to see a family member go through that.” Ren Jun nods and squeezes his eyes shut very hard. 

After a moment, he opens his eyes and turns to Jaemin. “Do you want to watch a movie? 

Jaemin smiles widely and begins talking about a movie he saw with Jeno the other day. 

~~

The next morning, 8:30 AM:

“Ren Jun,” a voice calls. Ren Jun snuffles in his sleepy haze. “Ren Jun, wake up.” He’s about the pull the covers over his head when he feels a kick on his side. He opens his eyes and rubs them, pouting. The first thing he sees is the lens of Jaemin’s smartphone. 

“What the hell, Jaemin,” Ren Jun mumbles. 

“You looked so cute! I’m sending it to Mark,” Jaemin replies. Ren Jun huffs and pulls himself up. “Let’s get breakfast.” Ren Jun blinks for a second. 

“I don’t even know if we have breakfast food,” Ren Jun mutters, sliding out of bed and padding into the bathroom. Jaemin watches the bathroom door, lost in his worries for a good few minutes. 

~~

Phone conversation, Jaemin and Chenle, five days before Christmas, 1:00 PM:

“Chenle?”

“Yeah it’s me.”

“Hey, it’s Jaemin.”

“Hey Jaemin! What’s up?”

“Not much. I just… two days ago I had a sleepover at Ren Jun’s house.”

“Oh, really? That’s good. He doesn’t like having people over. I suppose you’re curious about the deal with his mom.”

“She looks so unhealthy, Chenle. And she’s so young. She looks younger than Doyoung.”

“She is older than him, actually, but only my half a year. She’s… it’s complicated. My parents are family friends of hers. No one in her family wanted her to keep Ren Jun when she got pregnant. My parents helped her raise him and still do. When we moved, my parents decided it would be best if they came here so they could keep an eye on her. She is ethnically Korean, so they thought it would be fitting. She refuses to see a doctor or psychiatrist and denies that anything is wrong. My parents can’t do anything about it, and neither can Ren Jun. It’s killing him to see her this way and not be able to do anything.”

“I can imagine. Hansol is my cousin and it was so hard seeing him that way.”

“Ren Jun’s never had a stable family. He lived with his grandparents for a while, but they always yelled at him and his grandpa drank a lot. His dad filed a restraining order on his mom and disappeared from his life. It’s a huge mess, and Ren Jun’s just been in the center of it all. He’s taken on a lot of the shame from that, even though it’s not his fault. He sometimes seems to feel that way.”

“And at Mark’s party? You were checking on him?” 

“Yeah. His mom had fainted for a few minutes, but he took care of it. He sometimes just has to sit with her and care for her. It’s such a burden on him. My parents don’t know what to do besides watch her wither away and plead for something she’ll only refuse more strongly each time they ask.”

“Is that all we can do?”

“For now, I think we just wait until something snaps.”

“Thank you, Chenle.”

“No problem. Goodbye, Nana.”

~~

Phone conversation, Jaemin and Hansol, three days before Christmas, 10:30 PM

“Hello?”

“Hansol?”

“Nana, is that you?”

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“It’s so good to hear from you! I haven’t heard from you in a while! How are you?” 

“I’m good. Actually, I’m awesome. I have the greatest boyfriend and the coolest friends.”

“That makes me so happy, Jaemin. I’m glad you’re having a good time in high school so far.”

“I just wanted to know… are you doing alright?”

“Me? Oh, yeah I’m doing well. I’ve passed from underweight to the lower side of average weight for my height. It’s still hard. Like, it’s like being triggered by guns, but people are playing with guns all the time around you. I’m fortunate to want to get better, though. Some of the people at my clinic just didn’t have motivation to work on it or they would deny they had an issue. That is the hardest thing, especially on the people around them.”

“Hansol?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For wanting to get better. And following through.”

~~

Two days before Christmas, 3:00 PM:

“Merry Christmas Eve Eve!” Jaemin yells enthusiastically. Jisung laughs at him. 

“I don’t really think that’s a thing, Nana,” he says (because he is a buzzkill), ushering Jaemin inside. “You excited for Secret Santa?” 

“Of course!” Jaemin set down his overnight bag and a relatively large bag of presents. While the Secret Santa present was meant to be a big thing, they still got each other smaller gifts no matter what. The exception extends to romantic relationships as well, but that’s only been applicable this year. Jaemin thinks he did a fantastic job as a Secret Santa for Donghyuck and as a boyfriend for Jeno. “Giving presents is, like, my favorite thing in the world.”

“We know,” Donghyuck calls from inside. “Now, get your ass in here and help us decorate!”

Jaemin walks into the living room and gasps in horror. “You haven’t decorated your tree yet?” The tree is indeed bare, and the fireplace is a shrine to Jisung’s currently small collection of Encyclopædia Britannica volumes instead of displaying stockings, pictures, and Christmas cards. Jaemin almost cries because it’s so boring. 

Jisung shrugs. “We’re not a super spirited family. My parents are kinda really conservative when it comes to religion, so this holiday is more about that than presents and happiness.” Jisung sounds just a tad bitter, like he’s recognizing that he’s missed out on so much fun because of it. 

“You helping or not, self-proclaimed Christmas decor expert Na Jaemin?” Donghyuck asks again, exasperated. Chenle isn’t here yet, so here Donghyuck is in his former demonic glory. That lasts for about 4 minutes until Chenle comes in wearing fuzzy reindeer antlers on his head. 

Jeno comes in next, looking radiant as always. However, there is one huge-

“You dyed your hair,” Jaemin says, with no hint of emotion. Jeno sets one of his bags down and closes the door with his foot. 

“Yes,” Jeno replies, running his free hand through his BLONDE!!! blonde. Blonde hair. 

“And you didn’t tell me.” 

Jeno looks sheepish and embarrassed. “I kinda wanted to surprise you.” Jaemin squeals and jumps on Jeno, who catches him, but not without stumbling back. 

“You look so cute!” Jaemin doesn’t let go as Jeno attempts to make his way to the living room, where the others have similar, yet toned down, reactions to his hair. 

Mark comes by last, looking like a bit (lot) of an anxious mess. He greets people and acknowledges their newly decorated tree, but he doesn’t seem fully there. His thoughts are elsewhere, and he can’t be there until it’s resolved. 

This happens rather often, so they all know how to help. They let him sit in it for a while and he usually tells them within the next 20 minutes. 

Twenty minutes pass, and Ren Jun and Mark are both not present in different ways. Chenle texts Ren Jun, but he isn’t replying. 

“Mark?” Jeno starts as they move towards the kitchen. Mark turns to him and makes a small noise of affirmation. “Mark, what’s going on?”

“He hasn’t replied,” Mark says in a quiet voice. Everyone stops and turns.

“Who hasn’t replied?” Jeno has the calmest voice of them all, so they just let him go. 

“I always text him good morning and make sure he eats lunch, but he only replied in the morning. He always say he will and makes sure I will. He didn’t, and still hasn’t replied.”

“Mark, is it Ren Jun?” Mark nods slightly. Jeno turns to Chenle. 

“I can call him,” Chenle replies. “And then call his mother, too.” 

“Ok. We’ll stay with him. Make sure he’s okay.” 

~~

Phone conversation, Chenle and Ren Jun’s mom, two days before Christmas, 5:30 PM:

“Hello?”

“Auntie, is it you?”

“No, Chenle, it’s your mom.”

“Mom? Why do you have Auntie’s phone?”

“Chenle, please come quick. We just found out. We’re at the clinic, the one she was at before.”

“Is Ren Jun there? Is he okay?”

“Come quickly, Chenle.”

“Can I bring our friends?”

..

“Hello?”

..

“Oh, shit.”

~~

The clinic, two days before Christmas, 6:00 PM:

The minute they step into the waiting room, Chenle’s mother comes and starts speaking in spitfire Mandarin. Chenle’s face becomes grave as he hears the story and he replies just as quickly. The five (and Jisung’s mother) behind him furrow their brows in confusion and worry. 

Chenle and his mom turn to a doctor who begins speaking in Korean. 

“You are listed at Ms. Huang’s contact, Mrs. Zhong,” he says. 

“That is correct,” Chenle’s mom replies. 

“She won’t let go of him, but he needs to stay with you for the time being.” Chenle’s mom nods. “She’s using every milligram of strength she has to be with him. We just need to hook her up to the IV as soon as possible.” Jaemin buries his face in his hands. The others look confused, and Chenle looks like he might cry as well. Donghyuck steps forward towards him, so he runs into his boyfriend’s arms. There are words mixed into his sobs, but they might as well be in Mandarin even if they actually aren’t. Donghyuck just holds him, even though he’s probably confused at what he’s crying about. Mark is hugging his chest like he wants to collapse into himself and he keeps whispering Ren Jun’s name

“Can someone explain?” Jisung asks. 

“I can,” Jaemin says, bringing his head out of his hands. “I’ll tell you guys all I know.”

~~

An intake room in the clinic, two days before Christmas, 7:00 PM:

Ren Jun’s mother was already gone by the time Ren Jun asked to see his friends. They had to tranquilize her to get her into the hospital bed, away from Ren Jun, and hooked up to the IV. She held him for a whole hour before they deemed the situation too dire to let it go on. Ren Jun is barely there now; he’s out in his fears while Mark holds him and plays with his hair in the way he likes. Mark hasn’t let go of his hand since he walked into the room.

“It’s all going to be okay, right Junnie?” Jeno says. “It sounds like she’s been needing this for a while. And this has happened before.” Ren Jun nods slowly and begins drawing circles on Mark’s ankle. 

“I feel bad, and so does Mama,” Ren Jun says after a minute or so. “We keep imposing on Chenle’s family.”

Chenle crawls from Donghyuck’s lap to grab Ren Jun’s face and yells at him lovingly in Chinese. He stays there, repeating himself until Ren Jun replies yes. He then makes his way back into Donghyuck’s arms. 

The room falls into silence with a crackling tension of something breaking suffocating them. Jisung had gone to the bathroom a few minutes ago, and he peeks in his head now.

“Hey guys? I, um, I texted my mom and asked her to bring the presents we bought. You know, since it might lift the spirits.” Everyone gapes at Jisung in surprise. “I have them now. Shall we open them?” Everyone looks at each other and nods. 

“Whoa,” Jaemin says, “this is so nice.” He gets up to help Jisung with the bags. Jisung’s mom also follows behind with some convenience store ramyun for each of them, along with a tin of cookies. “Jisung, this is the greatest. I did not know you had it in you.”

“Hey,” Jisung pouts. “I’m a nice kid.” Jaemin laughs lightly and pushes at him. “Shall we start? Who wants to go first?”

“I will,” Donghyuck says. He reaches out for his bag of presents and manages to pull it over without so much as jostling Chenle. He pulls out an envelope and slides it to Jeno. He opens it carefully and takes out the card. A gift card falls through.

“Fifty dollars to Pet Smart… but I don’t- OH. I get it! Thank you,” Jeno brightens as he reads the card. He throws his arms around Donghyuck’s neck. Donghyuck laughs and pats his head. 

“What is it? Why the gift card?” Jaemin asks. 

“My parents are getting me a cat for Christmas and Donghyuck paired with them for the gift. This is for the cat.” Everyone coos and smiles. 

“Can I go next?” Jaemin pipes up. They all nods at him. Jaemin grabs a rather large wrapped present. He passes it to Donghyuck, who begins ripping at the paper. He finds himself holding a thick, glossy book. He opens to the first page and almost cries on the spot. Chenle sees it and smiles, pressing a kiss to Donghyuck’s temple. 

Donghyuck hold up the first page. It’s a scrapbook page with a handwritten love letter and two picture. The love letter is signed by his dad and addressed to his mom. There’s a picture of them holding hands, and below the letter is an almost identical picture of Donghyuck and Chenle. 

“My parents said that they kept these letters and pictures when they cleared out your old house,” Jaemin explains as Donghyuck wipes a tear. “They gave them to me a few weeks ago, figuring that your parents would want you to see them. Chenle helped me with the pictures part. Most of the pages are like that.”

“Jaemin, that’s so sweet,” Jeno says. 

“Thank you so much, Jaemin,” Donghyuck chokes out as he begins looking through the pages. Chenle leans into him and studies them with a smile on his face. 

“I’ll do mine,” Jisung says next. He grabs another envelope and hands it the Mark. Mark smiles at him and takes it. He attempts to open it without ripping the envelope, but he fails. Ren Jun cranes his neck to see what it is. There’s a card with only a few sentences and a signature on it. There are two free movie ticket passes and a gift card for Mark’s favorite restaurant. _For a date with Ren Jun. Merry Christmas - Jisung”_

Ren Jun breaks into a smile and Mark thinks he’s breathtaking. He glances up at Jisung who gives him a smile. His eyes tell him that he’ll be happy if Mark makes Ren Jun happy. 

Mark goes next, giving Jaemin some smaller gifts, like a set of hair clips and a Mindy Kaling book. Jaemin is thoroughly satisfied with all of them. Jeno passes a gift bag to Chenle, who receives the new eyeliner and cookbook with glee. Jeno offers to help Chenle with some of the harder recipes and gives recommendations. To everyone else, their excited chatter about cooking techniques goes completely over their head. They only settle down when Donghyuck very loudly states that Chenle and Ren Jun still need to give their presents. 

“Oh, mine is at my house,” Ren Jun states, “so I’ll have to give it to Jisung later.” 

“That’s fine,” Jisung replies with an understanding smile. Ren Jun nods and grabs Mark’s hands. He seems to have picked up his attitude considerably since they began giving gifts.

“Well, Ren Jun,” Chenle says. “I got you, so prepare for awesomeness.” He then adds in some Chinese that makes Ren Jun laugh a bit. He passes him a gift bag. After reading the card, Ren Jun gives Chenle a hug the best he can while they’re both sitting in their significant others’ lap.

He finds a large candy cane first and bursts into laughter like it has some ulterior meaning to the boys. Everyone else is confused and aren’t sure that they want to know. Next, he pulls out a large set of copic markers. A sketchbook follows suit. The last thing is laying on the bottom of the bag. 

“It’s fuzzy,” Ren Jun says in surprise, and he brings up a fleece blanket with a familiar character on it multiple times. Ren Jun gasps and exclaims something in Chinese. 

“Is that… Moomin?” Donghyuck says. It’s not in a judgemental way, just a curious way. He’s demonic and whipped, not rude and spiteful. 

“It’s how we became friends. We were at the same daycare and we liked Moomin even before we could read,” Chenle explains. The other boys smile and agree silently about the cuteness and purity of the gift.

Ren Jun hugs the blanket to his chest happily and says one of the only things the boys know in Chinese- “Xièxiè.” 

Chenle replies in more complicated Chinese, and the other boys start handing out the smaller gifts they bought for their friends. 

All in all, they succeed at the most important task- Ren Jun is smiling, and that’s what matters.

~~

The second day of the New Year, 5:00 PM:

“Jisung! I’m glad you’re here,” Ren Jun says, ushering him inside. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t get you here earlier. I didn’t go to my house very often when my mom was in the clinic, and things got a little crazy.” Jisung toes off his shoes and takes off his jacket.

“It’s all good,” Jisung replies. “I had a busy holiday season. My cousin is pregnant and my family is freaking out because she isn’t married yet.” Ren Jun nods. 

“Oh, I get it. My aunt had that happen as well. My grandparents were so angry, especially since they thought she had learned from my mother’s mistake.” Jisung furrows his brows at him and glares. “Oh, not that I’m the mistake! I meant, it’s not good to get pregnant when you aren’t ready. My mom was able to do it with a few bumps in the road, but it’s still not ideal.” 

“That’s better.” All of Ren Jun’s friends have been picking apart the thing he says to try and reverse the damage he did on his own self-esteem. He’s annoyingly good at turning small things into reasons he’s inferior. He is in a really hard position, where he loves his mom, but also knows that in a perfect world, he wouldn’t have existed. 

Ren Jun’s mom is still in the clinic for a few more weeks, but she is making good progress. She’ll have to have frequent check-ups for a while and do some therapy work too, but the doctors say that she’ll be home within the month. They think it’ll also be good for them to fall into a routine. Ren Jun’s cousin also moved in with them to help out. She’s going to college nearby on an exchange program and is willing to help her aunt and cousin out. 

“Victoria!” Ren Jun calls. “One of my friends is here.” A tall girl with gorgeous hair peeks her head into the entrance room with a smile. 

“Oh! Hello. I’m Victoria, Ren Jun’s cousin,” she says in relatively good Korean with a slight wave. Jisung introduces himself back. “It’s nice to meet you, Jisung! I’ll be in the kitchen if you guys need anything.” She moves her head back behind the wall. A timer sounds and a rather loud bang is heard as well. Victoria screeches and laughs a bit. 

“She’s a character,” Ren Jun mutters. “So, your gift! It’s rather big and heavy, so I didn’t wrap it.” He leads Jisung into the living room. 

“That’s okay. What did you get- oh my God.” Jisung doesn’t swear. He was raised religiously. He doesn’t say the Lord’s name in vain, yada yada. However, this is not in vain. Because that is definitely the next 5 volumes of the Encyclopædia Britannica for his growing collection. He lovingly runs a hand over the cover of the first one before looking at the table of contents.

“I had to ask Mark for help navigating the sites because they were all in English, but here is my contribution to you epic nerdiness.” Jisung rushes towards Ren Jun and pulls him into a hug. That’s another thing Jisung doesn’t do. Initiating contact. The things he does in the name of Encyclopædia Britannica. (There’s a list on Mark’s computer. Pictures too. Ultimate blackmail.) 

“Oh, this is totally going in the folder!” Jisung pulls away to see Mark snapping pictures on his phone. He leaps out of Ren Jun’s arms and runs after a taunting Mark while Ren Jun giggles. His smile is radiant when he tackles Mark to the ground and blocks Jisung by smothering him with his Moomin blanket. 

Jisung feels lucky to have friends in his life such as these. He’s happy to sit back and let himself grow up a little with their progress. He doesn’t need to worry about relationships when he has good friends and the Encyclopædia Britannica. 

Then again, that girl in his mathletes club is super cute and always offers to buy him food…

**Author's Note:**

> th at was a long ass ride 
> 
> thanks for sticking with this shitty thing for so long


End file.
